Sweet Salvation Is In Sight!

The sun is shining! No turning back! Nothin’s gonna stop me now!! 35 weeks people! I can think of a thousand songs to describe my mood right now, but the one that seems to fit the best…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gpn8MANhdLU

Yep that about sums it up! It’s a rather frustrating and equally miserable feeling really. All that weight and baby you gain over the span of 9 months suddenly let’s go. Like someone snipping the cables on a suspension bridge. To put in into perspective, up to 8 lbs of baby, 1-3 lbs of boob, 1-2 placenta, 1-2 uterus, about 3 lbs of amniotic fluid, 4 lbs of blood, 8-10 lbs added fat and protein storage (if you’re lucky) and about 4 lbs of body fluids….All that comes crashing down into your pelvis leaving you with the urge to pee EVEN MORE if that’s even possible, a lovely bone grinding into your lady bits feeling, hip, butt and back pain, followed by more intense braxton hicks! Isn’t pregnant fun?! There are also a few unmentionable things that shall remain unmentionable because I do not want nor feel a need to mention them…

The bonus to this “lightening” (oh so very wrongly named) is less heart burn which I never got in the first place….The ability to eat a regular sized meal, again, never a problem, and no more breathlessness! Well, the only time I feel breathless is when I walk, not jog or run or skip, but walk up the stairs. I thought about installing a sensor and speaker in the bottom step that would play the theme from Rocky for motivation…

One especially weird symptom I’ve been experiencing lately is the dreams. They’re all water! Always water! I’m swimming in an Olympic sized pool, buying bottles of water, rivers over flowing…Last night was especially strange. I dreamt that two other women and I were trying to discover why a certain breed of fish was going extinct. We started at the spawning grounds and made our way up-stream to a pond which opened to a river that lead to the ocean where we ended up in Thailand?! Then we all showered naked in delicious hot, running water then I woke up…Odd. Although possibly symbolic no? I don’t know about the naked shower bit but whatever.

All I can say is thank the lawd I only have a little over three weeks to go! Lazy has turned into lump. As in I am a couch lump. I have no  wish what so ever to leave my soft comfortable couch nest. Socializing with friends now feels about as desirable as a jury duty. I am a complete and total antisocial hermit.  I don’t  want to be, but the thought of leaving my house is anything but pleasant. So not me. The exact opposite in fact. I can’t wait to be me again. I would much rather feel like a dairy cow then a house. BUT! I’m almost there. The clouds are parting and the 23rd awaits 🙂

Miss K ❤

 

WTF?!?!

Today. Today I am disappointed in myself…I’m still pregnant, (34 +4 weeks) still huge, still impossibly lazy and now have added another pregnism to the long and ever growing list of ism’s. Shame.

I finally got around to purchasing the paint for the new girls room, pastel mint and pink, very pretty. As excited as I am to finally get it on the walls, I STILL haven’t even started taping things off yet. UGH! So, thinking it would help to motivate me some, the man boy, bot and yours truly, trundled our way to the mall for some new brushes and rollers. Painting accessories in hand and realizing my stomach was empty and protesting loudly, we decided on subs for lunch. So the boy kept the bot happy and entertained while I waited in the very long line. By this point the empty chasm that had consumed my stomach was now starting to echo earning me some strange looks. One gent even looked like he was ready to bolt probably thinking I was going to eat him. Not gonna lie, I considered it.

After around 20 minutes, I finally rounded the corner and made it to the portion of Plexiglas sneeze guard where you choose your bread. (as long as it was edible and in my hands en route to my mouth, I’d eat it.) While patiently and pleasantly waiting for the less than enthused looking sandwich artist to ask me what type of sub I would like, I glanced down at a sheet of white paper haphazardly taped to the glass. Immediately steam shot out of my ears and I ground my teeth to keep myself from shouting obscenities in the middle of the restaurant. The offensive paper read as follows:

Debit down, accepting cash or credit.

What….Cash or credit. CASH OR CREDIT!?! Well that would be perfectly acceptable had I cash or credit on my person! I did not! After over 20 minuets of standing in line, waiting as patiently as possible while attempting to calm the tiny Jabba the Hutt  inside my stomach, a piece of paper tells me I can’t have my sub because I only have debit?! Well….That was it right there. Hanger took over. I turned my burning glare at my poor husband and told him through clenched teeth that we were leaving.

Like a spoiled child throwing a tantrum, I grumbled and stomped down the street managing to somehow contain the majority of my emotions. When I got home however…Being pregnant and having just walked more than 2 feet, I had to pee. I tromped my way to the bathroom and locked myself in. It was at this point I realized what had just transpired. And so, I cried. I sat on the toilet and cried…Sigh…I cried because I was frustratingly angry that I was still starving and not inhaling a sub. I cried because I’m hormonal and wound tight and didn’t know what else to do to release all that tense pent-up energy. But mostly I cried because I was completely and totally ashamed of myself. I mean really…It’s a freakin sandwich! There is seriously something wrong with my pregnant self…Hormones are totally kicking my ass….

The man boy of course found this whole scenario hilarious and chuckled under his breath not exactly improving my mood. He told me (laughing) that I too would find this funny in a few weeks. He was so entertained in fact that after I had dried my offensive and embarrassing tears, he went out and got me that damn sub anyway. Worst part was…I didn’t even enjoy the stupid thing. It tasted like anger and frustration and….Shame…

That is my story for the day. Crazy bitch over and out.

Miss K ❤

Ahhhhhh Crap….

If there’s one thing about the early days of motherhood I never thought I could possibly miss it’s breast feeding. It wasn’t that I hated it per say, I just wasn’t in love with the idea. I nursed my daughter simply because I knew it was the best possible thing for her to eat, I was perfectly capable and bonus! FREE! With all the added expense of a new baby, free is always good.

The bot took to breastfeeding like a champ. If she wasn’t so good at it from the get go, I don’t know if I would have continued.(  little shite even gave me a hickey once! ) Whenever I think about it or try to explain, I feel like I don’t do a good enough job of not making myself sound like an arse hole…I guess it just became something I did out of necessity?  There were a few challenges in the early days. Proper latch, (hickey!) Was she getting enough, (I made cream, all good there…) OUCH! (….ouch) Then there was the issue of um…over production. I no longer had breasts, I had faucets. I HAD to wear nursing pads 24-7 and they would be soaked in between feedings. By soaked I mean literally heavy with milk in a span of 3 hours.  Nothing major tho, things settled down and we figured it out. It got much easier as time went on. By 2 1/2 months, the girl was crazy efficient. 5 mins per boob and she got in a full feeding, burped like a champ and was borderline comatose food drunk.

(she’s almost 6 months here but that’s the food drunk face :P)

So, we went from “this sucks” to, “I’m a freakin cow” to wham bam burp! We went strong for about 3 months before settling into just one overnight feeding. I didn’t mean to stop that early, it just sort of happened Once she stopped waking up for her night-cap, I stopped producing and we were done. I didn’t bother me right away. We switched to bottles during the day and went on with our lives. Never looked back. …..Until a good year and a bit later when I saw a woman nursing at the café I frequent. I got this pang of want, no, NEED! I desperately wanted to feed my tiny baby again…Problem being she was anything but tiny anymore…Enter baby fever! We held off for a while, got married (woop woop!!) and found out we were knocked up again while we were home for Christmas. Now as you’ve probably gathered from past posts, I’m not the biggest fan of pregnant. I just want this long, boring and invasive process to be over and done with. I want to meet my new girl and hold her and nurse her and most likely never sleep again. As long as I’m no longer pregnant, I’m totally cool with that…

Speaking of sleep, we come to the reason for this post…I’m sure you’ve heard that pregnancy can induce some pretty whacked out random dreams. Most of mine are baby related. Usually I’m in labor, had her too early, had her and she looks weird or had her and can’t find her. In that one I’m strangely not worried….weird…Well, the other night things went in a slightly different direction. I dreamt that she was here and had been for a week but had never eaten. (this being completely normal in the messed up world of dreams) She started to fuss and do that snorty puppy rooting thing so I yanked up my shirt and popped her on. It felt so incredibly good to finally be nursing a tiny baby again! Fast forward to later that day. I noticed my mam’s were a bit itchy so I checked the gals out. Would anyone care to take a guess what I found? Yup, sprung a leak….sigh. Nothing worthy of a pad or anything, but enough that I saw it. I am insanely nervous I’m going to be even more fountainous then last time. I’m just not going to touch them until she gets here. Might even invest in some caution tape…Or duct tape! That stuff fixes everything right??

Miss K ❤

So Close Yet So Far….

As of Sunday, I’ve managed to make it (begrudgingly) to 32 weeks! Due to the repeat C-Section, the new girl will be yanked in August so 6 and a bit weeks left to go! It doesn’t sound like a long period of time right? Just a hop skip and a jump away! Shrug it off, no biggie, it’ll fly!! ……I tell myself this when I’m feeling particularly pouty about the subject. Until now, the weeks and months have flown. I can hardly believe I’m in my 8th month already! So why, WHY has time slowed to the speed of a geriatric grandfather snail sliming through a puddle of molasses with a pebble strapped to its shell?!?! Every day feels like an eternity. Sometimes I find myself trying to come to terms with the fact that I’m going to be pregnant forever. Logically I know that’s not possible, she IS going to vacate my premises, it just feels that way. 

(this was at 30 weeks, dressed up for the young master Pykes 3rd Birthday)

I’ve been trying to keep myself busy which is no easy feat in Greenwood. There is a serious lack of distraction in this smudge of a town. I actually wish I would get that nesting thing. My house could totally use an obsessive clean…Another lovely side effect (for me at least) of the later stages of pregnant, sheer and utter laziness. I don’t mean like, “I’ll get to it later” kind of lazy, no no. I mean If I’m not leaving my house I don’t get dressed. And not because I’m comfortable in my skivvies, but because it’s a waste of clean clothes which I later have to wash and then fold and then lug up the stairs and put away…My spot on the couch has a permanent ass groove and I make my kid let the dog in and out. I’ve reached new and pitiful levels of low…It’s sad. 

I do have a few things to be thankful for tho. Like, my brief stint of general ache’s and pains seems to have passed for the most part. My hips still throb when I sleep but after being up and mobile for a bit, it seems to ebb away. Braxton hicks are getting stronger but I’m pretty sure I’ve just gotten used to feeling like a boob in a mammogram. With the exception of the odd day here and there, I’ve regained my energy and don’t feel the need to go to bed at the same time as my toddler. Oh! And my personal favorite, I don’t waddle 😀 Not even a little! I didn’t with the bot (girl one) either but figured it was a fluke. Although my OB did say my invading alien appears to be breech like her sister, so maybe that has something to do with it? I’m convinced breech babies are just comfortable to carry. Aside from the odd head wedged under my ribs, her ninja skills, although getting stronger as she runs out of training room, don’t seem to bother me as much as I hear feet stuck in places do. Speaking of feet tho, I’m pretty sure my ninja has at least one dangling down and clawing at my cervix with her toe talons…Super comfy…

(32 weeks)

So, with just under two months left to go, I don’t think I’m doing too bad. We got a new MUCH lighter car seat, the peanut carrier for my stroller came in the mail courtesy of my Mom and we’ve bought one box of newbie diapers and a few sleepers. Doesn’t sound like much but we don’t need a whole lot. Her room still hasn’t even been started but I have plans to get on that next week. The man boy and I have begun telling our girl that her sister is coming soon. She seems to get the general idea and appears happy to be able to actually see her instead of just a ginorma-belly. She’s already scheduled to make her debut a week early but a fat ole’ mama can hope for sooner right? Now if I could just get time to speed up…

Miss K ❤

UGH!!!

Ok, that’s it, I quit….I don’t wanna do 8 + more weeks! I don’t wanna! I feel fat, I feel tired, I feel lazy, I feel…I feel just plain fed up! I know we all get to this point. I know that we all silently cry during our 85th middle of the night bathroom trip. I know this. Do I care? Not a bit. As every other pregnant woman on the home stretch will agree, no one, NO ONE can possibly be as miserable as you. And when you do find someone who may have a smidgen of an idea of your misery, you find yourself comparing complaints like war vets with battle scars…

“Man these braxton hicks are getting intense.”

“Ya my back is killing me.”

“I get up in the middle of the night to pee.”

“I get up three times in the middle of the night to pee.”

“I have 8 more weeks!”

“Ya? I have 9!!”

Everything was going great until about week 27. That’s when my back started to ache a bit and my hips began to do that super comfy throbbing thing in my sleep…From there the braxton hicks kicked in and ya, I said KICKED in….with a vengeance. Shortly after acquiring  a virtual vice grip around my swollen mid section, I started getting ass pain. Uh huh, yep, ass. As in the general tailbone/butt cheek/side butt area. But that’s not all! I’ve also started getting lightening crotch. Don’t know what that is? Google it. Lots of fun…Another little treat is the sensation of a full to capacity bladder immediately upon standing up from emptying it! How is that even possible?!?!

Aside from the many physical discomforts, the shit has hit the emotional fan. I have been rendered a mopey, blubbery, almost constantly teary eyed mess. The man boy goes to Canadian tire to buy a new camping axe, I cry because I think he’s always trying to find excuses to leave me. My girl tells me she can do something all by herself, I cry because she’s growing up too fast and she’s not going to be my baby for much longer. I’m loading the dishwasher, I cry because we have to many dishes?! Oh! Here’s a good one! I went to take my prenatal vitamin the other night and grabbed the chocolate milk out of the fridge to choke it back with. I gave it a good shake and the lid popped off, chocolate milk everywhere. I sharply yell FU*K!! Man Boy didn’t close it properly. He comes into the kitchen to see what’s up, says he’ll clean it up and not to yell at him. So I start sobbing uncontrollably. Like hiccuping, snot faced, shoulder shaking mess because I’m convinced he thinks I’m an asshole for snapping at him. It took one very understanding and slightly amused husband to talk me down and repeatedly assure me I’m really not a mean and terrible person and everyone does not in fact hate me…Sigh….I can not even begin to describe the level of ridiculousness I have stooped to. Hormones are kicking my ass.

I know that it could be so much worse. There are some ladies who go through 9 months of hell for their squatters. I count myself fortunate that the worst of my issues are some serious and random dog hate, (my poor Jersey :/) and the instinct to snarl and hiss at anyone I deem shifty (which lately includes most classes of stranger, pregnamones don’t discriminate) who comes to close to my person. Ya, even I admit that’s a weird one…I’m really trying to kick back a bit and enjoy the last weeks of just the three of us. Trying. Really trying…All I gotta say is, as of 37 weeks, scheduled C-section or not, I am doing everything in my power to evict this tiny tenant! Crazy bitch, over and out!

Miss K ❤

Balls! Balls of Energy!

  Ok so at 28 weeks I have apparently reached the sheer exhaustion part of pregnancy…I mean, I’m still chipper! I still go places and do things. I’m just a little, uh, slower? I blame it on the no sleep factor. Between not being allowed to sleep on my back, said back in an almost constant state of ache, my hips feeling like they are going to pop off my body, on going bathroom olympics and just general pregnancy induced insomnia, sleep officially sucks…It kills me to think I’ve got another 10+ weeks of this…ugh…Normally I would just ingest copious amounts of coffee, (or hook a sista up intravenously…) but yet again, pregnant ruins everything and I’m only allowed one measly cup! grrrrrr…. No energy drinks, which of course means no jager bombs. Drunken vibrating fetus anyone? Not exactly good parenting.

So what’s a dopey sleep deprived zombie to do? Ice cold showers and toothpick eyelid propping are out. I’m quickly running out of steam for brisk rejuvenating walks. To be honest, I just want to sit on my ass and wallow in my roundness. Oh, and eat food. Which brings me to balls! I made energy balls! I’ve never made them before and don’t know how much energy they’re going to give me but they taste fantastic! I tried to find a simple recipe but kept coming up short on ingredients, so I took a little from column A, little from column B and just went with it! Now I know it’s not Friday, but they were so good I had to share, like now. And voilà! 

Go with the flow Energy Balls: 

1 cup oatmeal (some recipes called for quick oats but I just used the regular stuff and they turned out great)

1/2 cup honey

1/2 cup peanut butter

1/2 cup coconut

1/4 cup chia seeds

2 Tbsp cocoa powder

1/3 cup dark chocolate chips or chunks

The process was super difficult…Dump it in a bowl and mix. Yep. When it’s all smooshed together, pop it in the fridge for at least 30 mins to chill then shape into balls and store in an airtight container for up to a week in the fridge. 

They turned out sticky, sweet and satisfying! You could add all kinds of stuff to put a different spin on them. Nuts, spices, dried fruit, the possibilities are endless! Great snack that was preggo and toddler approved 😉 

Miss K ❤

Three Strikes and She’s Out!

I have reached the long-awaited third trimester and if I wasn’t such a walrus, I’d jump up and down. So far, this pregnancy has been very different and very much the same as my first girls. The first major difference that comes to mind is the fact that this one was planned. We don’t like to call our girl an accident or an oops, she’s referred to as an unexpected surprise. If I told you I was in shock I’d be lying. It was more of a temporary coma…Minor brain lapses aside, it was a fabulously easy pregnancy, as is this one.

Neither of my first trimesters have plagued me with morning sickness or extreme fatigue. (although I was a little more tired this time) I’ve had no heartburn, despite the fact that girl number one was born with more hair than skin, and I don’t really have any complaints in the general aches and pains department. I know I know, F me right? Ya, having uneventful pregnancies doesn’t seem to inspire particularly nice thoughts among other baby farmers… I guess the only real differences I’ve noticed are that everything seems to happen sooner the second time. You get bigger faster, you feel movement earlier, the ability to shave and put on socks disappears much MUCH faster…

My problem is that I just don’t particularly enjoy being someone elses house for 9 months. I don’t love the fact that when I go swimming I resemble a giant sea cow. Manatee isn’t really my best look…I hate that It’s not considered good parenting to slurp back pitchers of sangria on a hot summer day, or that things like sushi and blue cheese are off the menu.Ach! I especially hate the waiting. I am the single most impatient person on the planet. Waiting patiently is not my forte! And then there’s the complete and total lack of control over my own damn body! I feel like bulbous marionette with an asshole puppeteer tugging on my strings…

Look a commercial about orange juice! Cry now!

I don’t care if you ate 5 minutes ago, you’re hungry again!

Your husband just walked in the door, you will now be mad at him. Don’t ask questions! You’re mad cause I say you’re mad!

I’ve also noticed that the smallish creature residing in my belly is not all that’s on my mind. With girl one, it was all I could think about. I read everything I could find about pregnancy, I had weekly updates emailed to me from 20 different websites, I thought about her 24-7, I had her room painted before we even knew she was a she…Even after all the prepping and planning, I didn’t feel ready. Everything had to be perfect, all her gear had to be ready and waiting, bags pack etc etc etc. This time? I have something like 11 weeks left and her room hasn’t been started. I haven’t bought any clothes because girl one has been the best dressed missus in town and I kept all my favorites just in case 😉 I’m so nonchalant about the whole thing! If it wasn’t for this massive belly I’d forget I was pregnant! She’ll be inner ninjaing it up in there and I’m like, oh ya! I’m an incubator! I swear my brains not firing on all cylinders….

So at the end of August, the Man Boy will be severely outnumbered. Poor guy. 3 ladies, 4 if you count the dog. He says he’s going to hole up in a battered old shack somewhere in the woods once a month until all visions of pink and pretty leave his brain. He jokes of course….I think…To be honest, (and he agree’s but I didn’t tell you that) girls suit him. He’s a good man with a soft heart, overflowing with love and affection for his leading ladies. His only downfall is the fact that girl one totally and completely knows how to play her poor unsuspecting daddy. I can only assume the he will meet the same suckerish fate when there’s two sets of lashes batting at him. Time will tell, not much longer now!

Miss K ❤

Bub Duds

Bub duds? Wtf is that?!

Bub duds are what I like to call the pregnancy wardrobe. I don’t believe in shopping at overpriced maternity stores. It’s expensive, unnecessary and impractical. (personal opinion, don’t send out a hit just yet) My frugal self just can’t get into buying a whole new, belly fitting wardrobe that, let’s be honest, no one’s going to wear post pregnancy! With the exception of those unforgiving droopy months following Jr’s arrival, it’s just not happening.

So how do you get around this seasons favorites that simply will NOT fit around a rapidly expanding middle? With a sharp eye and some creative thinking, it’s easier than you think! Tip number one. Think long. Long tanks will be your best friend no matter what season. So do yourself a favor and stay away from anything that doesn’t at least come to about your hips. As cute as that tummy may be, no one wants to look like a busted can of biscuits with their stuff hanging out all over the place. ( Hello “people of Walmart” Never heard of it? google it, you can thank me later)

Tip two, jersey dresses worn as tops. These little gems are a godsend. They cover all the bits and because of their length, they do that cute little ruching thing we all love 😉

Tip number three, my favorite thing in the world, the maxi dress. No explanation needed, just buy one…Or 20. No joke. Another helpful hint, if you’re like me and feel like a roly poly blob half the time Seek out cover ups or shrugs, whatever you want to call them. I have a ton of these and I’m always buying more. They’re just so cheap and come in every colour, sleeve length and material you could imagine.

That being said, there are a few things a blossoming gal can only buy at a maternity store. Jeans for one. They have that incredibly sexy, stretchy waist thing going on that’s supposed to magically hold up your pants…They totally don’t. Half the time I end up doing this but tucked in, wiggle dance to get them back up to their proper resting place. Not attractive. Speaking of unattractive! Did you know they have these fancy little suspender things that clip to your bra/pants to keep them put?! How else can we make pregnant women feel hot and totally not awkward…Back to jeans! Get yourself one or two pairs, ( or more depending on the season) but don’t go overboard! Leggings are cheap, everywhere and oh so comfy….
I also did the whole hair tie through the button-hole thing so my fave skinny’s could stay with me a little longer 😉

Another good investment if you’re on a tight budget and want your everyday shirts to carry you farther, are belly bands. (Prevents the busted can O’ biscuits look) These can also be made easily with some cheap jersey material and a sewing machine. That is if you know how to use one…I don’t, so I hit up my sew-savvy friend for all my stitching needs 😉

 

Miss K ❤